Hello Loving Mother,
Well there is nothing new that you do not know. It was great to skype with everyone and to be able to talk and relax for a bit. We were able afterwards to walk around Berlin and see some of the sights. Berlin is crazy huge. I do not particularly like it since I am so used to Meißen and the size of it. And then my mission president picked us up and we drove all the way back to Meißen, for our Sacrament meeting. I was trying to prepare myself the entire time to see them again. They are my family here. And I am so grateful to be there with them. I will be honest, there were times where I just cried with them too. But it has been going as good as it can right now. I do not know how to explain it but somewhere I am recieving strength. It never once crossed my mind that I would be going home, or that was even an option. And I feel that it is still not an option. (Funny story to that, after we had skyped, I was able to sit with President and Sister Kosak and eat some waffles with ice cream, the best by the way, and President Kosak asked me if we need to discuss me staying in the mission. And without hesitation, after he asked me if I want to stay, and I replied, OH HECK YEA. President Kosak did not know how to translate that into German, and so when he realized what it meant, he just started laughing.) There is work to be done here. Sometimes, I do not know how I am going to do it, but I think once I start throwing myself back into the work that I will be able to do it.
So what did president kosak say to Bishop? I knew he called him because he asked about his imformation, and in that President Kosak way, he turned and said, Good. I will call him. So I would be very curious to know what he said. And if you feel that I should not know, then that is ok too. President Kosak has been really good for me now. He was able to give me a blessing and in that blessing, I was able to find some direction for right now.
On Thursday, we had a zone conference. As we were sitting there, before the testimony portion started and we even knew that there was going to be a testimony meeting, I felt this impression to share my testimony about families and seeing them after this life. That I would talk about losing my grandmother and uncle in the past 6 months. And then when the time came to have a testimony meeting, I felt that same feeling again, almost coupled with the racing heart beating, and I knew that I had to give my testimony, but I did not know why. I did not know who was it for, and it wasnt until I started to think about it, that that was for me. That I would be able to remember that words and testimony I bore for this time now. Because I still believe it. I still believe that those who have crossed the veil are still helping me and us now. That they are not to far away. I feel that as I have been all the way across the world, they are still in my thoughts more. And sometimes, this peace enters my mind and for a small moment, I feel a warm, homelike feeling. And I believe that is them. I know that they are also listening to us and, from what bishop spoke about, learning from us too. For that reason, I cannot give up yet.
I really cannot pick out only one memory from dad. There are many that come back to me that I would love to share. If anything that I really could share, is what I learned watching him so many years. Something that I always can remember is the feeling I had when either my mom or dad were not home. As I was younger, I would be scared out of my mind when they were not home. Sometimes, I would pace around all the rooms, and look out the same window about 30 times in 5 minutes to see when their car would pull up. And when it was my dad who came home, there was not to much said at the front door, or too many feelings shared, but I was able to relax and calm down. We would be able to sit in the same room and watch a movie that we may have watched 30 times over, but it was always this feeling of warmth or safety that I enjoyed the most. Being able to be calm and relax with my parents. And I can say that I still have that feeling. Sometimes, that is how I know that he is close to me. When appointments fall out, or when I accidentally book two appointments at the same time, or anything that makes me stress. But I feel a sense of peace and calm and strength to go throughout my days.
I love you all and I am so grateful for all those who are supporting my family right now and being able to hug and crack the stupid jokes that I cannot do right now. Well, I could crack the stupid jokes, but I do not know how people would like my sense of German humor.
I love you and you are all in my prayers. I am grateful for those who I am in their prayers. I cannot wait for our time to skype on Christmas and get to see everyone again.
With all my love,Elder Bretzing